What a Difference a Year Makes!!!

This morning, which happens to be Christmas Eve, I'm sitting on my couch under a warm cozy blanket sipping my tea and watching Zoey sleep beside me. As I wait for my husband to get home from his 1/2 day of work I got to thinking about how much has happened and how my life has changed in the past year. Last year at Christmas, if you can recall from the blog I wrote, I was very depressed. I had to work all through Christmas so did not get a holiday at all. I was able to see my family the week before, but it just wasn't the same. Steve was a sweetheart and came into work with me to keep me company, and Sue was a wonderful friend inviting us to Christmas dinner, but all the same it didn't feel like Christmas to me. I won't recap everything because you can go back and read it, but what I really want to focus on is everything God has blessed me with in the past year.

This Christmas paints a very different picture than last year. Steve and I are living in Texas, where I don't think either of us ever expected to live if you would have asked us a few years ago, but we absolutely love it here! It is weird not having snow but our "winter" here is like fall is up North which is our favorite season, so we are loving the weather! The people are super nice here too. Steve is doing a phenomenal job balancing both work and school (and excelling at both!) and still finding time to hang out with me and play his beloved video games :) I just finished my first semester as a clinical pathology resident and I can't even put into words how much I love my job - I actually sort of miss it now that I am on break for Christmas! I don't think I have ever worked for such wonderful and compassionate people, and Karen, Mark and Mary are such incredible clinical pathologists too! They are not just my bosses but are quickly becoming my friends. One of them (Mark) even plays World of Warcraft with Steve and I, which is loads of fun :) They are happy with my progress thus far which is so great, and I am gaining confidence so quickly with reading cytology - I have never been so sure in my life that I am definitely in the right profession! :) I enjoy teaching the vet students too - I even gave a lecture to the second year vet class (about 120 students)! I was really nervous at first but once I started lecturing I was totally comfortable. I hope my enthusiasm rubs off on some of them and maybe sparks an interest in clinical pathology, like Dr. Jenny Thomas at MSU did for me. My resident-mates are awesome too, they are so nice and were so helpful to me this past semester! I hope to be as wonderful to the new resident coming next year (Congrats again Jessica! :) ) as they have been to me. Thank you Gwen and Kathrin! I also am fortunate to be able to work with the anatomic pathology residents pretty regularly, and all of them are great people and super helpful to us clin path folk ;)

Another difference between last year and this one is Steve and I are off until January 5th which gives us time to visit both my family and his for the holidays! Classes don't start up again until mid-January, so I really have time to thoroughly enjoy the holiday and not worry about studying. I miss my family a lot and it is nice to be in an environment where I am able to travel and see them more often. I also can't wait to see Steve's family and hopefully Sue to when we are in Michigan :)

As you all know, Steve and I have also become homeowners this year. It is even better than we ever expected, we love our house as do the pets! In the process of buying things for our house, we discovered RockBand. For those of you who don't play it, it is a video game similar to Guitar Hero, and you can play guitar, bass, drums, or sing. I caught onto the drums super fast since I have played a set before, and Steve the guitar. This game is such a blast and is an awesome game to play on study breaks. We have even formed a few "bands" that go on tour - one is just Steve and I ("The Texas Transplants"), a second is with my sister-in-law Andrea ("Coke Zero"), and we have a third band with our friends Bud and Cat ("Sparty On"). It's one of those games you can play for hours on end and it never gets old. I always wanted to play the drums and now I can lol :)

Last but definitely not least, I feel much healthier than I did last year! I am almost 50 pounds lighter than one year ago and have completely changed my eating habits, thanks to Weight Watchers. I never realized until I started WW last March that so many things that I thought were "healthy" actually weren't! I have learned how to make good choices and love experimenting with recipes to make very tasty but low point dishes :) I actually tried on a dress I wore to a winter formal in high school last weekend and it actually fit for the first time since 11th grade lol. That made my weekend :) Steve has been successful with the program too, and for the most part we have been doing it together as a team. It feels great to be healthy, and if I can do it anyone can lol :)

Since this blog is getting really long, I'll wrap things up. At this time last year, I never thought I could feel this happy and fulfilled in life only a year later. So to God, my husband, family and friends, thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything - I don't know what I would do without you :) Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all!!!

Quick Update

I'm sorry I haven't updated my blog in awhile, things have been very busy for me lately! Texas weather is slowly starting to cool down a bit - it has been in the 80's steadily instead of the 90's! I'm looking foward to 70's weather - that will be perfect :) The residency is GREAT still, I love it. My first semester has been crazy busy, but I am really enjoying it and the clinical pathologists think I am doing an outstanding job which makes me VERY happy. Getting compliments from my superiors is very very nice :) It's funny how I am a better clinical pathologist after 3 and 1/2 months than I was a small animal vet after 2 years! I have truly found my niche and am so grateful for that! The people I work with are wonderful and we have a lot of fun :) Steve is doing well too! He also has been complimented a lot at is job and is doing very well in school too! He actually is taking a class about video games this semester which I'm sure he will love and breeze right through :)
I have officially joined TAMU's Women's Ice Hockey team. It is a lot of fun. Here is a picture of me in all my gear - unfortunately the only picture I have is after practice so I am all sweaty and look like crap lol. I'll post more pictures once we start having actual games!
The pets are very happy in Texas also - the picture is of Aslan and Zoey lounging on the new couch :)
Back to work for me - hope everyone is well! :)

I Wish God Could Explain......

This week is my first week teaching hematology to the 4th year vet students by myself. But before this week, I had the pleasure of sitting in on 2 other rotations (to see how the other residents teach) and getting to know the students. One student in particular really stood out to me, not only because she was really bright and worked hard, but because she had such a vibrant and positive personality, one that could light up a room. Her name was Cassandra, and she was killed in a car accident this past Sunday night. When I found out about it I was numb. I remember having a conversation with her not even 2 weeks ago about the veterinary board exams, jobs, etc. I can't even describe the range of emotions I have felt since I found out about her accident yesterday morning. Growing up I was always taught that God has a plan for each and every one of us, and that sometimes it is hard to understand, but not only do I not understand it, it makes me so angry and really tests my faith. I hate how much pain and suffering happens to people in this life, and I hate it even more when wonderful young people are taken from us. Cassandra had so much love for the veterinary profession and so much drive to pursue her dream. She was so close to earning her DVM and had so much life ahead of her. My heart is breaking for her fiance, her family, and her friends, some of which are my current students. Please keep them in your prayers during this extremely difficult time.
It is times like these that really make me take a long look at my life and focus on what is really important. Don't focus on petty crap, it doesn't matter. Take pleasure in the small things - a smile, conversation with a friend, a hug or kiss from those you love the most, your cat purring in your lap. Cherish every moment you have because life can be taken from you in an instant. Always forgive, and love with your whole heart and soul.

I Never Thought This Day Would Come......

This is going to sound crazy but for once in my life I am truly HAPPY to go into work every day, and as a result am slowly turning into more of a morning person. There are no doubts, nerves, or "ugh I wish I could just stay in bed" feelings , NONE. Even though I've only been there two weeks now I truly LOVE my clinical pathology residency. I have been crazy busy trying to study all the topics I am going to have to start teaching in a couple weeks but I love every minute of it. And not only have I found something that I love, but I dare say something that I actually have true potential at being good at! In the past few weeks I correctly diagnosed (some were current cases others old cases that have since become teaching files ) things such as a melanoma from a dog's toe, an osteosarcoma (bone tumor) from a dog's shoulder blade, a squamous cell carcinoma in a horse's belly fluid (which is REALLY RARE - the tumor was actually in the horse's stomach but it seeded into the abdomen), a couple of mast cell tumors, and a few fungal infections. That is just some but I have so much fun doing it - it's like every slide is a mystery that I get to try and solve. I am fully aware that I probably sound like a total geek at the moment but I am so excited and happy about my residency. I know with 100% certainty that God has led my husband and I to the right place. Steve is doing phenomenally well in school and his job is going great as well, I am so proud of him :) Well back to a weekend of studying and then comes Monday that I actually look forward to now! Wow, God is good :)

WOOOHOOO!!!!

CONGRATULATIONS to my Detroit Red Wings, the 2007-2008 Stanley Cup CHAMPIONS!!!!!! WOOOHOOO the cup is HOME in HOCKEYTOWN where it belongs :) What a tough series but the boys pulled through!!!!!! YAH!!!!!

In other news Steve and I are getting settled in Texas - almost all the boxes are unpacked and Steve has started both his job and school. I start my residency July 1st so currently I'm keeping the house clean, running errands, relaxing, and reading clin path textbooks. The weather is HOT so we mostly are staying indoors for the summer! We are REALLY happy here - everyone is so welcoming and friendly, and I know in my heart that we are in the right place :) We really love our house (pictures will come very soon I promise) and so do the pets - the cats settled in really quickly as did the bunnies. The bunnies are right by the kitchen window which extends down almost to the floor so they are getting a lot of natural light and seem to be happier than they have ever been before! The cats are constantly exploring when they aren't sleeping :) Zoey has been getting into everything so we have recently nicknamed her "Trouble" :) Steve's job and school are both going really well and I am really looking forward to starting my residency. Everyone I will be working with is awesome - a GREAT group of people :)

Well off to bed, and once again I must say YAAAH WINGS!!!!!! :) :) :)

I'm Done!!!!

Last weekend was my last day as a small animal vet! Now I am lucky enough to be on "vacation" until July 1st! Then I start my clin path residency, and I'm soo excited. I'll be keeping myself busy studying and doing a ton of cleaning and packing. I'm most looking forward to going out to Oregon to see Wes! Less than 4 weeks to go!

Steve and I are now officially homeowners! We closed on our house early last week and we're really excited. We love our house. Also, Steve was accepted into an online degree program where he will be able to get a bachelors degree in video game design. He starts classes at the end of May, right after our move to Texas, and starts his job at Reynolds and Reynolds June 2nd. So he'll definitely be keeping busy. Fortunately I'll have some time to set up house and learn my way around College Station considering I have absolutely NO sense of direction whatsoever lol.

In other news, I am LOVING Weight Watchers. I've lost 13 pounds now! I have approximately 32 to go, so hopefully I'll continue to be successful.

Ch-ch-ch-changes....

So it appears that my life is truly changing for the better.

Texas:
Steve and I found a house in Texas that is really a perfect first home for us, the kitties and the bunnies :) It is a brand new home, newly built, and comes with stainless steel appliances! It is a 3 bedroom/2 bathroom house, 1638 square feet with a fenced in backyard, fireplace, and huge garage. We love it! I'll post pictures soon!
Also I have had two opportunities to spend time with everyone I will be working with at Texas A&M - both my bosses and my fellow residents, and everyone is absolutely wonderful. It is a very laid back and friendly group of people and the clinical pathologists genuinely care about their residents. I am really looking forward to the next 3 years and learning as much as I can. I have already started reading clinical pathology textbooks (there are about 12 or so that I have to read that are going to be on my board exams at the end) and I love what I am learning, I really enjoy it!
Other GREAT news is that Steve also has gotten a job in Texas! He will be working for a company called Reynolds and Reynolds and he will be doing graphic design for them :) He starts his job in the beginning of June, I start my residency July 1st. We are moving towards the end of May and are very fortunate to have my parents, Steve's Dad and my Uncle Tommy helping us with the move. We are so excited to start this new phase in our life! We will keep you all updated.....:)

Work:
My boss at the clinic has selflessly given me the opportunity to leave the clinic sooner than the end of April if I so choose, and I have decided to take her up on the offer. It is really kind of her and the other doctors to have allowed me this opportunity, and now my last day as a small animal practitioner will be Saturday April 12th (instead of the 26th). This has taken a HUGE load off of my shoulders because there is just SO much to do between now and when we move to Texas and in addition my head and heart just aren't in it anymore - I am grateful for everything I have learned in clinical practice and the friendships I have made (especially Sue, I love her dearly and she will be my friend always), but I am ready to move on with my career. Having the end in sight only 2 weeks from Saturday has really made me feel much relief and happiness.

Self:
I have made a couple of personal advancements recently as well. The most significant has been joining Weight Watchers - I just couldn't deal with being overweight anymore, not only for self confidence reasons but for health reasons, especially having diabetes and heart disease in my family. Today marks the 2 week mark and I have already lost 7 pounds and made significant lifestyle changes. I feel like I am in control of myself more than I ever have been and I feel better in general. This sort of leads to the second thing - I have started reading a book called Awaken the Giant Within by Tony Robbins that my sister-in-law Andrea gave to me - it is a book that helps you to take control of your life - physically, emotionally, and financially. The last 2 years in Midland have been an emotional roller-coaster for me and there were so many times I felt so lost and out of control. I don't know how I would have gotten through it without the support from Steve, my family and friends. Although I have only started this book, I hope it gives me some good pointers about dealing with any future stresses that may come along.

Friends, etc:
I am really looking forward to having half of April and all of May and June off - not only to have the time to pack, move, and settle in a new place but also to have the flexibility to spend time with family and friends that I haven't had for a long time. I can't wait to be able to spend a ton of quality time with Steve when I'm finally not stressed out all of the time! Also I hope to spend as much time with Sue as I can before I move, I will miss her most of all when I leave. Also we are going out to visit Wes in Oregon for a week in May before we move and I can't wait!!! We are sooo excited to see him and have some fun in Portland where we have never been before! I'm also looking forward to spending some quality time with both mine and Steve's families.

Steve and I are testing for our Green Stripe in Taekwondo in a couple weeks! Next step is green belt which is half way to black belt! Yay!

So in a little over 2 weeks comes vacation, lots of good times with family and friends, a huge move to Texas, and I'm on my way to becoming a specialist! Thank you God :)

Bah Humbug :(

Just to warn you ahead of time this is a bit of a vent session to clear my head.....
Yes, it is Christmas day and while the majority of the world is at home with their families, I am working (meaning being on clinic watch and pilling any border that needs meds) - oh the joys of veterinary clinical practice. The time I have spent with my husband today was wonderful, but it truly does not feel like Christmas. This is the first year that I have not spent Christmas eve - New Years with family and friends. And before I go on I want to say that my time as a small animal veterinarian has been a valuable learning experience and I have made such a wonderful lifelong friend (love you Sue!) that I would never take back the experience. And I know that this experience will make me a better clinical pathologist. However, I never dreamed that a job that I dreamed about when I was little would be so incredibly wrong for me, for so many reasons. A small part of me wonders if things would have been any different if when I fell in love with clinical pathology in vet school I just went for it then (right from vet school) instead of doing clinical practice first. To make an analogy me and being a small animal vet are like two puzzle pieces that do not fit together no matter how hard you try to force them. There are days where I feel sick about going into the clinic because I feel so burned out and so used by clients. It is so emotionally and physically exhausting. And it is so difficult to know a little bit about every possible topic/disease - my brain works so much better knowing every detail about one area instead of a little bit of everything. The most difficult thing is that I knew after just a few months at the clinic that I was ready to move on to a clin path residency but knew that Steve and I were going to be stuck here for 2 years so he could finish his degree (in a program that he is unhappy in as well but knows it needs to be done, similar to me). In addition, the city/town we live in is like living in the Stepford Wives movie, no joke its rediculous - neither of us feel like we fit in here at all. So for a long time both Steve and I have felt kind of trapped in a life that although temporary, neither of us wanted to stay in.

When I got the offer to be Texas A&M's clinical pathology resident next year AND found out that Texas is full of video game companies for Steve it was the most liberating and happy experience that both of us have had in a long time. It is so amazing to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that both of us are going to be able to do our dream jobs! I can't tell you enough how much I LOVE clinical pathology - I actually enjoy reading my clin path text books in my spare time, believe it or not it is my pleasure reading! AND I will be able to teach again which I am so happy about. If I can inspire vet students with the enthusiasm that I have for clinical pathology, how rewarding that would be :) Also I hope that I can be a mentor to the students and help advise them in making the right career choices - keeping an OPEN MIND in vet school and exploring every opportunity and field veterinary medicine has to offer. Also it is a small perk that weekends and holidays will actually be WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS, unlike my small animal practice experience. I think life may feel a little more "normal" despite the constant studying but I do that now anyway, by choice :) I am so excited for our move to Texas and both of us starting a new phase in our life that it seems like time is crawling. At this point I still have 122 days left before I end my time at the clinic (unfortunately finances keep me from leaving sooner) and it is DRAGGING because I am so ready to be done with this phase in my veterinary career I can't even describe it. Plus I am looking forward to having 2 months off in the summer to see family, visit Wes in Oregon, arrange our move and buy a house in Texas, spend as much time with Sue as I can before I move, and just TAKE A BREAK.

122 days may not seem like a long time but although it may sound stupid it seems like forever to me and I really hope I can survive them without losing my mind. I am going to miss my friend Sue a TON and will try and visit her as often as I can once I move to Texas, but I will definitely not miss my current job one bit. God grant me the strength to get through the next 4 months and bless us with a wonderful future full of happiness and opportunities. Thank you to all our family and friends for your support and encouragement, we love you all.

ITS OFFICIAL!!!!!

Well I am officially going to be able to have my dream job - I am going to be a veterinary clinical pathologist!!!! Today I accepted an offer for the 2008 clinical pathology residency position at Texas A&M University!!! And the best news of all is that Texas is the 3rd biggest state for video game companies in the US, so Steve will be able to get his dream job too!!! We are very excited :) So now I guess I am officially an "Aggie", although I will always stay a Spartan too, forever :)
Now I just have to survive another 5 months in practice.......hope it goes fast!!!

Wow its been awhile....

Holy crap I can't believe how long it has been since I last posted! Life has been crazy busy and stressful for me lately. I am half done getting my applicaitons out for clinical pathology residencies - I am applyiing to 11 programs and praying like hell that I get into one of them. I seem to survive each workweek but it is more and more difficult to continue doing something that I am not meant to do - the waiting period before starting a residency seems so long, time is dragging.
On a better note I am LOVING Taekwondo! Steve, Sue, and I just got our yellow belts and not only passed our test but all 3 of us got "pluses" meaning that we did better than the others testing at our level. We are learning our new skills now and may test for our green stripes in January.
So off to bed I go, I'm exhausted.

Yay for Long Weekends

There's nothing better than taking a drive and seeing a good movie with a close friend, getting lots of much needed rest, watching Dawson's creek reruns, and cuddling with my husband and kitties......:)

Friends and Accomplishments

Fern turned out to be a GREAT vacation as always - a fun and relaxing time with family and forever friends. It went by WAY TOO FAST though :(

Since returning from Fern I've been spending a lot of time working towards my future as a clinical pathology resident - I have been going to the Journal Club Meetings at MSU every other Tuesday and if I have neat slides to bring with me to look at with Dr. Stickle we do that too :) I really enjoy going and when I'm there I feel so happy and like I really fit in. This will be such a GREAT future for me and I can't wait to dive right into it. I hope that time comes sooner than later.

Recently Sue, Steve and I passed our Taekwondo test and earned our yellow stripes! So now we are working really hard for the next 3 months so we can earn our yellow belt in October. I am really enjoying Taekwondo even more than I thought I would, and I am definitely going to stick with it long-term. Sue and I have been practicing almost every day during our lunch hour at work, and its a blast. Despite all I have been through in Midland and at the clinic, I am SO thankful for her friendship - I couldn't ask for a better mentor and friend. No matter where life takes me after Midland, I know we will be friends always :)

I'm REALLY excited because Wes is coming to Michigan this week!!! Steve and I are going to spend all day Tuesday with him and we'll see him again next weekend. We miss him so much when he is in Oregon and are really looking forward to spending time with him :)

Well I'm off to get some more reading done - lots of Clin Path books I want to get through before I start a residency!

Majorly Overdue Update

I couldn't sleep so I thought what the hell, I would update my blog FINALLY. Sorry it has been so long since I have written - I have been pretty busy lately. The cruise was a lot of fun - good times with wonderful friends. Some highlights were "Velda" jokes, climbing Dunn's River Falls in Jamaica, snorkeling, the ice show, swimming, and our absolutely beautiful ship!
Since I have gotten back I have dove in full throttle getting ready to apply for a clin path residency. I went to MSU to visit the clinical pathologists there and talk about the residency and application process. I am going to start attending their journal club meetings since they are on Tuesdays which is my day off :) I have been reading my clin path texts on my free time (yes I am a geek but I'm loving it and learning a lot. I am starting to line up recommendations too. I have also developed a plan incase I don't get in anywhere this year. Steve and I will move back to Lansing and he will try and find a good job, I will try and find something part time at a vet clinic and spend every possible moment I can in the clin path lab at MSU and attending their meetings, etc. Its nice to have a plan either way but I really hope I can get in somewhere this year.

Sue, Steve and I have started taking Taekwondo two nights a week. It is so much fun and AMAZING stress relief!!! Its amazing how even as a beginner/white belt it can make you feel so self-confident. In a month or two we will test for our yellow stripe :)

Tomorrow (actually today since its almost 5 am lol) we are leaving for our annual family vacation at Fern Resort in Orillia Canada where we have been going pretty much every year since I was 3 years old. I love that place so much and the people even more. Kendra is able to come for the whole week this year and Liz will be there Wed - Sun so we will be able to have lots of good friend time :) They have made a lot of changes at the resort this year that I can't wait to see - for example the building we stay in was totally redone and our room will be brand new with all new things - very exiting :) Anyway I should probably go back to bed so I can keep Steve company while he is driving and I don't sleep the whole way.

I'm Going to be a Specialist!!! :)

So after much research and discussion with vets and others I trust, I have finally made up my mind about exactly what I want to do with my life as a DVM! I have decided to apply for a residency in clinical pathology - through MSU or another vet school. I am really excited about this because after a lot of consideration and prayer, I know this is the right path for me. Hopefully I will be accepted to start next July, but if not I will try and find a job at a Cat Clinic until I can apply again.
Will I miss the hands on work with animals? Maybe a little. But there are SO many reasons why general practice, ESPECIALLY corporate (I work for an NVA hospital currently) is just NOT the job for me to be in for the rest of my career. I know for a fact that if I continued on my current road I would never be happy and would eventually reach a nervous breakdown or worse. Its funny going through my whole life with the focus and goal of doing a certain thing, and then once I get there realizing it is not the right place for me. But in a way I kind of knew that since specializing has kind of been tugging on my heart strings since clinics. I am very excited about my decision and am getting a lot of wonderful support from Steve, my parents, and friends. I knew I really enjoyed clin path in vet school but I never realized how much of a passion it really was until I was out in practice looking at blood smears, urinalysis, cytologies, etc. I would love spending all day doing such things and hopefully if this all works out I will!
Thank you everyone for your prayers and support. I feel like now that I have figured out what opportunities lie ahead of me I can really just sit back and BREATHE. The nice part is, I'll be able to do so on a cruise with a group of my dearest friends - only 1 day left of work and then its off to Miami and Royal Caribbean's Freedom of the Seas - BONVOYAGE!!! :) :) :)

Great Weekend

I was blessed not only with a 4 day weekend, but one that I was able to spend with my Dad. He flew from NY to see us on Friday and stayed until this afternoon. Saturday we went to the Tigers game with Steve, his parents, and his Uncle Don. Not only did we get to see the game but we spent the morning at "Home Plate 2007" where we were able to get up close and personal with some of the new and old Christian Tiger players. Todd Jones, Jason Grille, Frank Tanana and even WILLIE HORTON were some of the guys that gave their testimonies! It was very touching and I was so happy to be able to share this day with my Dad. Sunday, Monday and Tuesday were spend just hanging out and taking him to some of our local restaurants.
I'm definitely sad to see him go back to Rochester but I'll be able to see him again Memorial Day weekend. My mom will be here in a little over a week and next comes the cruise!!! I am counting the days, it is a MUCH needed vacation. It will be so nice to get out of Midland for awhile and get to hang out on a gorgeous ship in the Caribbean with some of our dearest friends! 11 days to go......

Stupid Michigan Weather :( :( :( and Stuff.....

Believe it or not we are having the SECOND SNOW STORM this April in "lovely" Michigan :( I'm so sick of shitty weather, when will God bring the sunshine??? A little less than a month ago we were having the most gorgeous spring weather and then it went back to winter :(
OK now on to other things....
Work is going ok for the most part. The days I have worked have been super busy lately! Katie used the term "emotionally exhausted" in her blog and that pretty much summarizes how I have been feeling. I am counting the days down to the cruise, it is a much needed vacation! It helps so much to just get away for a while and relax with no worries about work. I do admit though I will miss you Sue while I'm gone - I'll find you a cool souveneir from the tropics :)

I need to pose a couple questions to all of you and want honest answers/comments - I have been thinking a lot lately about how Steve and I think we do want to have a child someday and even though it won't be until YEARS from now the thought although happy brings a lot of fears out as well. For one I have to admit that I don't have a obvious maternal instinct which I am afraid makes me seem like a "bad person" to people who don't understand this. I am not one to volunteer to hold a baby or toddler b/c I would much rather be a passive observer and not be drooled on or boogered on (is that even a word? lol). Changing diapers grosses me out. I have pretty much zero tolerance for whining, crying and tantrums and don't really know how to act around kids. Everyone says this is different with your own child but is it really? And although this may sound shallow I have struggled with weight issues my entire life and am terrified of this worsening via pregnancy. I have to work SO hard to lose weight now and the thinnest I have been able to attain was a size 10/12 when I met Steve years ago and that was when my whole life revolved around food which was not fun, trust me. I can't bear to have this struggle worsen because it already kills my self esteem! SO...for the questions......1) Does all of this mean I will suck as a mother and 2) Is there any possible way to avoid the weight issue and still have a kid? I am willing to do ANYTHING short of starving myself.
Thanks for all who comment - you may wonder how this has come into my thoughts lately? Well I have been doing a lot of reading on weight loss because I am trying to lose weight for the cruise, and in my reading, particularly in online forums, I have come upon comment after comment from women who say that since they had kids they gained 2-4 sizes and have never been able to lose it. This scared the heck out of me and started me thinking about the above.

I am FINALLY a 60!!!! :) :) :)

This is a picture of Jentuk, my orc warlock in World of Warcraft - she is on her warlock felsteed and next to her is her felhunter pet. As of last night, Jentuk became a level 60, which used to be the highest level you could reach in World of Warcraft until the expansion came out. Getting to 60 has been my goal since I started this character in January, and I DID IT, WOOHOO!!!! Most of you probably think I'm crazy for getting so excited about this but I am psyched!!! Now I get to quest with Steve's highest character (a lvl 61 orc hunter) in the new area added on by the expansion. Now I'm up for lots of hard dungeons and kicking some alliance butt ;) On my way to 70 now...... :) :) :)

I know, I'm a nerd - thank you Steve for passing on the addiction :P

P.S. Wes and Sue - you should really give this game a try - it is SO much fun and tremendous stress relief, you would love it! And if we are online at the same time you could quest with me and we can type to each other like instant messenger ;)

Nostalgia....

This is spring break week for the schools here so our clinic is full of boarders as all the school kids and their families take a vacation. It makes me remember all the wonderful places I went with my parents during such vacations when I was growing up. Most of the time for spring break we either went on a cruise or to Disney World, both of which are dream vacations for me, especially now that I can share such places with my husband. This week has made me long to get away and I'm so glad the cruise is fast approaching (6 and 1/2 weeks to go). Despite the fact that I absolutely hated vet school, I definitely miss the built-in vacations of academia that just do not exist in the real world. Now it feels like real vacation time is a lot harder to come by :( Life after college can really suck :(

I'm so glad the weather has been nicer though, I've spent a lot of time walking on my days off from work and Sue and I started walking at lunchtime on workdays. I'm trying to lose some weight before crusing b/c I'm a bit self conscious about the weight I gained in vet school that I have yet to take off. I'm embarassed to wear a swimsuit, even in front of friends. I really am enjoying walking, it is a wonderful way not just to get exercise but also to release frustration and clear my head, which is a daily necessity especially after those long workdays.
Steve took me to lake Huron yesterday and we went walking on the beach and in the water. It was so relaxing, I wish we could spend more time doing such things. We may go back up to Traverse City once I have a free weekend again.

For those of you who want a World of Warcraft update, Jentuk is now almost level 60!!! I/2 level to go! And I got my priest (Sionned) and hunter (Jental) both up to level 10. My paladin (Ianthe) still sits at lvl 20 and I deleted my mage (Andrade) because I wasn't too thrilled with constantly dying.

Well I'm off to play WOW now actually ;) Trying to get as far as I can before tomorrow when I go back to work. I never get much time to play when I'm working and I have the clinic this weekend so I am pretty much tied up until Monday - blah :(

Hopeful Change in a VERY Vain World...

Steve and I believe it or not are addicts of Tyra Banks' show America's Next Top Model. I have to say I am THRILLED that this year there are not one, but TWO plus-size models that have made it to the final 12! They are both just as if not more beautiful than the other girls (some of which are so bony and gross that they literally just need to sit down and EAT!) and I am hoping and praying with all my might that one of them wins in the end. It would be a nice addition to Dove's new line of advertizing that emphasizes that you don't have to be skinny to be beautiful, which is SO true! I have spent way too much time feeling bad about myself and my appearance and recently I have just said screw it! I will do my best to be healthy but life is too short to not enjoy that Starbucks caramel macchiato or Cold Stone ice cream. So yes I will eat well for the most part and do my best to try and exercise, but I will no longer let the media make me feel bad about myself. Hopefully other shows and companies will get on Dove's bandwagon and change the way the world views what is considered "beautiful" to something more realistic, and maybe one day Hell will freeze over and the media will emphasize that it is what is INSIDE a person that counts the most.
Maybe someday.....

Holy Snow!

Well we are having the storm of the century here in Midland today! Its a constant onslaught of frozen rain, hail, ice, and God knows what else. Snow and ice are accumulating on the ground quickly and cars are sliding all over the road. I'm shocked people are actually still coming to their appointments at the clinic, I would NOT drive in this if I didn't have to! I called Steve and thank God he is coming home from school early because this weather is only going to get worse according to the weather channel online.
This is my last day at work this week and then I have 5 days off to spend with Steve for his spring break from school. I go back to work again next Wednesday. We were going to go away somewhere but we decided to save money and just stay home and spend some quality time with each other and the critters. Oh and of course playing WOW.
I think I have slowly become ALMOST as obsessed as my husband with that game lol. I play it constantly and really want to get at least to level 60. I just reached level 40 over the weekend (I'm 41 now) so I was able to get my mount which is SO cool - its a black horse whose feet and eyes are flaming. Its such a fun game and is GREAT for stress relief. I can't wait to indroduce the game to Sue, I think she'll enjoy it a lot :)
If anyone has an interest in joining the WOW online gaming addiction, you can find me on the Detheroc PVP server as Jentuk (my level 42 orc warlock), Andrade (level 22 blood elf mage), Ianthe (level 20 blood elf paladin), Sionned (level 6 blood elf priest), or Jental (new Taurin hunter) ;) And I'll invite you into our guild - Ordo de Saxon ;)
Stay warm everyone!