Bah Humbug :(

Just to warn you ahead of time this is a bit of a vent session to clear my head.....
Yes, it is Christmas day and while the majority of the world is at home with their families, I am working (meaning being on clinic watch and pilling any border that needs meds) - oh the joys of veterinary clinical practice. The time I have spent with my husband today was wonderful, but it truly does not feel like Christmas. This is the first year that I have not spent Christmas eve - New Years with family and friends. And before I go on I want to say that my time as a small animal veterinarian has been a valuable learning experience and I have made such a wonderful lifelong friend (love you Sue!) that I would never take back the experience. And I know that this experience will make me a better clinical pathologist. However, I never dreamed that a job that I dreamed about when I was little would be so incredibly wrong for me, for so many reasons. A small part of me wonders if things would have been any different if when I fell in love with clinical pathology in vet school I just went for it then (right from vet school) instead of doing clinical practice first. To make an analogy me and being a small animal vet are like two puzzle pieces that do not fit together no matter how hard you try to force them. There are days where I feel sick about going into the clinic because I feel so burned out and so used by clients. It is so emotionally and physically exhausting. And it is so difficult to know a little bit about every possible topic/disease - my brain works so much better knowing every detail about one area instead of a little bit of everything. The most difficult thing is that I knew after just a few months at the clinic that I was ready to move on to a clin path residency but knew that Steve and I were going to be stuck here for 2 years so he could finish his degree (in a program that he is unhappy in as well but knows it needs to be done, similar to me). In addition, the city/town we live in is like living in the Stepford Wives movie, no joke its rediculous - neither of us feel like we fit in here at all. So for a long time both Steve and I have felt kind of trapped in a life that although temporary, neither of us wanted to stay in.

When I got the offer to be Texas A&M's clinical pathology resident next year AND found out that Texas is full of video game companies for Steve it was the most liberating and happy experience that both of us have had in a long time. It is so amazing to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that both of us are going to be able to do our dream jobs! I can't tell you enough how much I LOVE clinical pathology - I actually enjoy reading my clin path text books in my spare time, believe it or not it is my pleasure reading! AND I will be able to teach again which I am so happy about. If I can inspire vet students with the enthusiasm that I have for clinical pathology, how rewarding that would be :) Also I hope that I can be a mentor to the students and help advise them in making the right career choices - keeping an OPEN MIND in vet school and exploring every opportunity and field veterinary medicine has to offer. Also it is a small perk that weekends and holidays will actually be WEEKENDS AND HOLIDAYS, unlike my small animal practice experience. I think life may feel a little more "normal" despite the constant studying but I do that now anyway, by choice :) I am so excited for our move to Texas and both of us starting a new phase in our life that it seems like time is crawling. At this point I still have 122 days left before I end my time at the clinic (unfortunately finances keep me from leaving sooner) and it is DRAGGING because I am so ready to be done with this phase in my veterinary career I can't even describe it. Plus I am looking forward to having 2 months off in the summer to see family, visit Wes in Oregon, arrange our move and buy a house in Texas, spend as much time with Sue as I can before I move, and just TAKE A BREAK.

122 days may not seem like a long time but although it may sound stupid it seems like forever to me and I really hope I can survive them without losing my mind. I am going to miss my friend Sue a TON and will try and visit her as often as I can once I move to Texas, but I will definitely not miss my current job one bit. God grant me the strength to get through the next 4 months and bless us with a wonderful future full of happiness and opportunities. Thank you to all our family and friends for your support and encouragement, we love you all.