Stupid Michigan Weather :( :( :( and Stuff.....

Believe it or not we are having the SECOND SNOW STORM this April in "lovely" Michigan :( I'm so sick of shitty weather, when will God bring the sunshine??? A little less than a month ago we were having the most gorgeous spring weather and then it went back to winter :(
OK now on to other things....
Work is going ok for the most part. The days I have worked have been super busy lately! Katie used the term "emotionally exhausted" in her blog and that pretty much summarizes how I have been feeling. I am counting the days down to the cruise, it is a much needed vacation! It helps so much to just get away for a while and relax with no worries about work. I do admit though I will miss you Sue while I'm gone - I'll find you a cool souveneir from the tropics :)

I need to pose a couple questions to all of you and want honest answers/comments - I have been thinking a lot lately about how Steve and I think we do want to have a child someday and even though it won't be until YEARS from now the thought although happy brings a lot of fears out as well. For one I have to admit that I don't have a obvious maternal instinct which I am afraid makes me seem like a "bad person" to people who don't understand this. I am not one to volunteer to hold a baby or toddler b/c I would much rather be a passive observer and not be drooled on or boogered on (is that even a word? lol). Changing diapers grosses me out. I have pretty much zero tolerance for whining, crying and tantrums and don't really know how to act around kids. Everyone says this is different with your own child but is it really? And although this may sound shallow I have struggled with weight issues my entire life and am terrified of this worsening via pregnancy. I have to work SO hard to lose weight now and the thinnest I have been able to attain was a size 10/12 when I met Steve years ago and that was when my whole life revolved around food which was not fun, trust me. I can't bear to have this struggle worsen because it already kills my self esteem! SO...for the questions......1) Does all of this mean I will suck as a mother and 2) Is there any possible way to avoid the weight issue and still have a kid? I am willing to do ANYTHING short of starving myself.
Thanks for all who comment - you may wonder how this has come into my thoughts lately? Well I have been doing a lot of reading on weight loss because I am trying to lose weight for the cruise, and in my reading, particularly in online forums, I have come upon comment after comment from women who say that since they had kids they gained 2-4 sizes and have never been able to lose it. This scared the heck out of me and started me thinking about the above.