Overdue Update

Well its been awhile since my last desperate post and I guess things have been getting a bit better since then. My 6 month evaluation at work was just ok and I have a lot of things I need to work on. I don't know if I was naturally cut out to be a small animal vet because I have had to work and study so damn hard to get to where I'm at and I still have days where I think that I'm really not very good at what I do or that its just not right for me. Other days I feel much better. I just want every day to be one where I feel smart and confident in myself - I wonder if that will ever happen? A big part of me though feels like something is missing, that I want to do more, like specializing in something I really love like clinical pathology. I looked into doing a residency in clin path and I think this may be the right path for me. I do admit that I'm terrified to have to do applications again and worry about whether or not I'll get into a program. I always get scared that I will get my hopes up and then get burned.
Work has been a LOT better recently thank God. The doctor who left before I came here is coming back 1 day a week (Mondays) to take some of the surgery load, and as a result I am getting ~3 Mondays a month off as well as my Tuesday. This week was my first experience with the extra day off and it has been GREAT! I actually feel awake and normal when I am at work, and I feel happier in general and have much more energy to help out everyone else as well as focus on my own cases. That extra time for me, Steve and the kitties is definitely worth every second. I'm working late on Thursdays with Sue now on the weeks I don't work Monday to have some extra time available to my clients if needed. This is my first late Thursday and so far its been fun. I reached a personal goal today spaying a dog in the fastest time I have done so far (which I won't reveal because its still WAY too slow lol). I'm very proud of myself :) Being faster in surgery is one of the things I am working on, along with being faster with my appointments which is getting better as well. And the best thing is the encouragement I am constantly getting, especially from Sue - she is truly an angel and I think the reason God brought me to this clinic. I have learned more from her than I ever thought I could my first year out, and each day brings new learning experiences. This week has been pretty slow though - I think its because its 20 below 0 here with the windchill and people just don't want to go outside and I don't blame them!
This weekend Steve and I are going to celebrate Grandpa Reinert's 80th birthday - I'm looking forward to it. He is such a great man and immediately "adopted" me when he found out I had never been able to get to know either of my Grandfathers (because both died before I was born). I'm glad we'll be able to be there for him on this special day :)
Our critters are doing well - Sue spayed Zoey recently and she has been doing great. We just took her stitches out Tuesday night and she looked good. Sue also reconstructed her nose to make her nose openings bigger so she could breathe better (common smoochie-faced animal surgery) and she is SO much happier now because she can actually breathe and smell! Why didn't I do her surgery you wonder? Well for one because I panic when its my own pet; second because I would have taken much longer, and third because I wanted her to have the best and Sue IS the best :) Zoey is such a joy and I'm SO glad we got her. Aslan grooms her all the time now - he was slow to warm up to her but now they get along so well (new pictures to come soon).
Surprisingly I have been spending a lot of time lately playing WOW (World of Warcraft). I must admit I am addicted but nowhere near as much as my husband. It is so much fun though and I love playing it on my new MacBook! I'm new at Macs though so I'm constantly discovering something new on my computer that I didn't know existed before :)
Anyway back to work for me, just thought I'd do an update since its been awhile :)

God Help Me!

Over my vacation I read the most wonderful book by James Patterson called Suzanne's Diary For Nicholas. It is a story in which the main lesson is that live is short and each day needs to be lived to its fullest. One of the things that struck me most in this book was the lesson of the five balls. It goes like this:
"Imagine life is a game in which you are juggling five balls. The balls are called work, family, health, friends, and integrity. And you're keeping all of them in the air. But one day you finally come to understand that work is a rubber ball. If you drop it, it will bounce back. The other four balls - family, health, friends, integrity - are made of glass. If you drop one of these, it will be irrevocably scuffed, nicked, perhaps even shattered. And once you truly understand the lesson of the five balls you will have the beginnings of balance in your life."
I truly think it is impossible to be in the profession I am in and follow this lesson and it scares the hell out of me. What scares me even more is that I have spent my ENTIRE life to get to the point I am at and it doesn't make me happy. Granted there are rewarding parts of my job and I really like helping animals, but it has the most amazing way of being unbelievably DRAINING of my time and mental and emotional energy. I find it hard to deal with the public so much on a daily basis, especially when I am not in the mood to be all happy and cheery. And I am SO unbelivably sick of people's stupidity. I can't tell you how many times me and the other doctors have had to stay late (particularly on Friday nights) because people decide to let a problem their pet has fester and fester until it is so bad that they are terrified the animal won't get through the weekend, that we end up spending time that should be for ourselves and our families trying to fix a poor innocent animal that is suffering because of someone's stupidity. I also have recently had an incident where something I did really pissed off a client to the point where she tore me apart on the phone and never wants to come back to me again. This has been so unbelievably emotionally trying for me - I have lost sleep at night hearing her voice in my head and I am not one that is easy to forgive myself for not being perfect. I KNOW that I can not emotionally handle things like this happening for years and years, and I know this won't be the first time it does.
What if I was not meant to do this for the rest of my life? I am hoping and praying that this is not the case but I'm scared because I feel like it SHOULD be making me happy. And I am a person inclined to just be miserable for the rest of my life because everyone is so "proud" of me and I feel that if I went in another direction it would be a complete waste of all the money, time, support and energy that so many I love have put into me and my career, particularly my parents. I am so scared and so uncertain of my future. I can honestly say that something I thought would make me happy doesn't - it makes me exhausted, bitter, and miserable. My mom told me the other day that she thinks I am borderline depressed and that maybe in the future I should see someone - and she is 100% right. When you spend your whole life working towards a goal and then when you finally get there you realize that what you thought would be so perfect isn't, it would make anyone sad I think. I honestly don't know what I would do if it wasn't for my husband who brings an unbelievable amount of happiness to my life and keeps me smiling and realizing that I am truly blessed. My family, friends and pets remind me of the same. And despite my unhappiness I have made such a cherished friend in Sue that I am thankful to God that I did come to MAC. She is so encouraging and is a constant reminder that maybe I'm not as bad a doctor as I sometimes feel I am. It doesn't keep me from being scared though - I really don't know where my life is going. I definitely can't see myself doing this until retirement. I will burn out WAY before that if not end up in a hospital first. Thank God there are many other venues one can take with a DVM - like residencies, research, etc. I do admit in vet school I had a strong instinct to specialize (particularly in clin path or radiology) but since I had wanted to be a small animal vet since I was 5, I pushed those instincts away. Now I am regretting it. Anyway, God please help me sort out my thoughts and put me on the right path to not only best utilize my DVM and my personal attributes and abilities, but also on one where I can be happy and content with my life. If such a path exists, please clearly point me in that direction and help me along the way. I don't want to be sad or scared anymore, and boy am I ever both right now.

Pictures I promised

Here is a picture of "the family" minus the bunnies including our new addition, Zoey. She is just 6 months old and is an absolute joy. She is the most fun loving and affectionate cat, a definite lap cat, even moreso than Aslan. We adore her :)

FINALLY!

So I am FINALLY on my first vacation after 5 months of being a full time veterinarian with no breaks. After yesterday's day of travel hell (broken planes, cancellations, delays, etc) we finally made it to Rochester in 1 piece and so did the kitties. Those poor things were in their carriers for about 11 hours, and did SO well despite everything. Lets just say that Steve, I, Aslan and Zoey slept very soundly and deeply last night (for about 10 hours).
Today was our annual Christmas eve get together with my mom's side of the family. We had it at my Aunt Nancy's house and it was SO nice. I miss my family so much and it was wonderful to see everyone. I really wish I could come home more often. I just woke up from a nice nap and in an hour we are going to the late night Christmas eve mass at church. Tomorrow we spend the morning with my parents, the afternoon with the Schlegel side of the family, and Aunt Sue is coming over for dinner tomorrow. After that its lots of sleep and spending some quality time with my parents and Jack, who is going to be ELEVEN years old in 2007! I really miss them so its really nice to have four whole days to spend with them. I wish we could stay longer.

Well its off to wake up my husband who is still napping with the cats. I hope everyone has a very merry Christmas and a wonderful New Year! :)

EXHAUSTED :(

After working ALL of Thanksgiving weekend and now officially hitting my 6 month at work without being able to take ANY vacation I am absolutely burnt out! I am so tired that lately I have been feeling like I am back in school during a finals week :( Thank God there is only 23 days left until my first vacation! I have from December 22nd at 5:30 pm until the morning of January 3rd off! This rest/relaxation/rejuvination period is SO unbelievably needed. Plus I have been really homesick for my family lately and can't wait to see them.
I can guarantee there will be a LOT of hours of sleeping this weekend, which I have off - YAY! Also the exiting thing is on Friday night we are getting a new kitten! For all those wondering of COURSE it is a smoochie face! She is a calico persian and she is 5 months old - we are going to call her Zoey :) Pictures to come as soon as we get her and can get the two cats to sit next to each other long enough for a good picture.
Well time for me to go watch TV with my husband and then its bedtime!

Footprints

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. Each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonging to him and the other to the Lord.
When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."
The Lord replied, "My precious, precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you."

So much for the World Series :(

HOWEVER, Tigers you went from being one of the worst teams in baseball to AMERICAN LEAGUE CHAMPIONS! Congratulations! I'm very proud of you and I know millions of other fans are too. No worries, the World Series will be YOURS next year in 2007! :)

GO TIGERS!!!!

I am SOOOOO unbelievably proud of my Tigers making it to the World Series!!! I KNOW they can win this and can't WAIT to see them do it!!! I do have to admit though the "bandwagoners" are really pissing me off! "Bandwagoners" being the people who never supported them in the years they played poorly but instead made fun of them and weren't true fans; and NOW all of a sudden that the Tigers are WINNERS, they decide to be "fans" and wear Detroit parafinalia all over the place. Granted, I LOVE that the Tigers have so many supporters now, but it pisses off someone like me who has been a true blue fan since I was born and cheered them on, supported them, and stood up for them all the years they didn't play well, and now finally get to see them really kick some ass. Well Tigers, good for you, you really truly EARNED this - so go in there and KICK SOME ST. LOUIS ASS!!!!! GO FOR A SWEEP BABY!!! World Series champions here we come!

Imbalance

I read this quote recently in a book given to me by my mother-in-law:

"How do you know when God is at the center of your life? When God's at the center, you worship. When he's not, you worry. Worry is the warning light that God has been shoved to the sideline. The moment you put him back at the center, you will have peace again."

Wow. This hit me pretty hard. I am a Christian, but I am also a worrier - but not just any old worrier. I worry VERY easily to the point where I make myself physically ill. I think this is telling me that I need to make my relationship with God more of a priority in my life than I have been. I admit that too frequently I am so busy and frustrated with my life that I don't make the time for God that I should. Well I have decided to make more of a commitment to strengthening my faith and allowing myself to rely on God instead of trying to carry all of my burdens on my own.

One thing I know I need God to help me with is defining and gaining control over my life. Lately my job has truly been consuming me to the point where it makes me either very sad or very angry. Don't get me wrong, I love helping animals, but it is SO mentally and emotionally draining to the point where it becomes physically draining as well. In addition, when you make a particular job your life's ambition and spend YEARS busting your ass to get there, it is hard to not be defined by the job. Sue and I were talking the other day about how SO many veterinarians ARE defined by there job; and how being a veterinarian is foremost who they are. It is hard to not allow this to happen, especially when there is so much mentally and emotionally invested in the job. The fact is, I REFUSE to allow this to happen to me. Although I spent my whole life working towards being a veterinarian, it is my JOB, NOT WHO I AM. I want to be first and foremost a loving wife, mother to my animals, loyal friend, and a PERSON. However, it has been very hard to do this when it seems like my life is forced to revolve around my job, and not the other way around. I definitely don't have nearly as much time for myself or my husband than I thought I would, yet I am stuck and can't try and change my schedule because I'm sure my boss would be against me. Basically I am stuck at a clinic that although has certain doctors I love, is just not the right place for me; and being stuck has made me angry and sad. Angry because I was naive enough to be lied to in my interview by my boss and not be able to see right through it - and then not speak up and defend myself when I started working and realized I was lied to. Sad because I have no other choice but to stay here until Steve graduates from Central. I need God SO badly right now because I don't WANT to be angry and sad, I want to be HAPPY. I am grateful to have found such a good friend in Sue, which makes things better :) I have a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage and this is supposed to be the start of our life together, and in the quality time we do have together I don't want to be upset. I need Him to help me to find good in my situation and to help me accept it instead of fight it. I need Him to help me use this time to prepare me for the future - make me the best doctor I can be so I'll be able to get that dream job in the future. And I KNOW its out there, because I have seen and heard of examples of great job situations. Here is one: Sue told me about a veterinarian friend of hers who is working at a clinic in Ann Arbor. She works ~3-4 days a week and gets paid ~$100,000 per year. AND she has good benefits. She is happy and has more than enough time for herself and her family. I saw a job offer for a veterinarian on the internet the other day (can't remember the clinic name but it was in MI) that entailed a 4 day work week and NO weekend hours (the clinic is actually closed on weekends). I pray that I can find something like this when Steve is done with school and we move to where he finds a job he will love. I NEED a TRUE balance between work and "life" in order for me to be truly happy - that is SO imperative and important to me and I am just not getting it now.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

GREAT Weekend

Steve and I just spent our 1 year anniversary weekend in Traverse City. We had such a wonderful, relaxing time and it was SO beautiful with all of the trees changing color. We enjoyed ourselves so much we are going to go back for another weekend in November - probably the one before Thanksgiving since I don't get to celebrate it this year (I'm working all weekend) :( :(

Another great thing about the weekend is the TIGERS BEATING THE YANKEES!!!!! WOOHOOO GO TIGERS!!! OAKLAND YOU'RE NEXT!!!! LOL. I have every confidence that they can make it to the World Series and how exciting would that be!

Anyway so the weekend was great, I just wish it could last forever. Now back to my monotonous life in Midland that we can't wait to leave as soon as Steve finishes school.

Quick update

So things in Midland have been going pretty ok. Last week my terrible fall allergies started and I was so sick I had to stay home from work one morning. Now it is finally getting better and only a lingering cough remains. My 90 day review at work went well and I definitely feel like I fit in at this clinic :) . Its definitely a good first job for me to have and I am getting to be really good friends with Sue and Janet. I can definitely say it is not the place for me to be in forever though. I'll definitely stay here and learn as much as I can while Steve is still in school, but after that we will both be ready to leave Midland and settle somewhere else where Steve can start his graphic design career.

Believe it or not, this Sunday will be Steve and my one year wedding anniversary! To celebrate, we are spending the weekend in Traverse City. I'm really excited :) I can't believe it has been a year already - time really flies, that is for sure!

I am so proud of my Detroit Tigers - making it to the playoffs and WINNING today's game vs. the "Skankees" to tie the series 1-1!!! GO TIGERS!!!! Also good luck to the Wings tonight who play their first regular season hockey game vs. Vancouver! :)

THROW THE SCALE AWAY LADIES!!!

OK so this past weekend I had a revelation! WHAT THE SCALE SAYS IS NOT THE BE ALL AND END ALL!!! This is how I came to this revelation:
I have very faithfully been doing yoga booty ballet for three weeks now, at least 5 days per week. Since I started this exercise program, I have only lost 3 pounds off of the scale. However, I have lost OVER 10 INCHES on my body (from chest, waist, hip and thigh measurements), gone down a shirt size and almost an entire pant size. I look much trimmer in the mirror to the point where everyone has noticed! However, the scale shows only a 3 pound difference which you wouldn't think is much of anything. So, I have come to the conclusion that it is how clothes fit and inches lost is a much better estimate of how one is doing on a weight loss program! So, to ALL the women out there, if the scale doesn't seem to be budging, don't be discouraged because you are more than likely succeeding at changing inside and out whether the scale says you are or not!

Wednesday September 13th!! :)

Wednesday September 13th marks the 6 year anniversary of the day Steve and I officially became a couple. Steve I love you so much and can't describe in words how happy you make me. Thank you for always loving me wholeheartedly without reservation and for being there for me and supporting me always. I am the luckiest woman alive to have you as my husband and I can't believe our 1 year wedding anniversary is less than a month away! Yay for our weekend in Traverse City! :) I love you so much and I thank God for you every single day :)

We will miss you and you will NEVER be forgotten!!

Goodbye Steve Irwin... :(

My weekend in NY was wonderful. Very relaxing and good time spent with the family I love dearly and miss a lot. Steve, my mom and I were also able to go to SeaBreeze amusement park which was a lot of fun. My parents used to take me there when I was little so it is a place full of fun memories, as well as one of the top wooden coasters in the country, the Jack Rabbit (which we rode twice) :)

During my weekend I was shocked and incredibly saddened to hear of the death of Steve Irwin. I still cannot believe he is gone. I have watched so many of his shows as well as the Croc Hunter movie, all of which were a joy to watch. I want to pay tribute to a man that although seemed quite crazy at times, devoted his life to teaching children and adults alike about numerous animal species and the importance of conservation in a way that was sure to get people's attention. He did so much good for so many animals and his legacy will live on forever. May God be with his family and friends, particularly his wife and children. My heart goes out to them.

Off to good ol' Rochacha

Well I've got less than 1 more hour at work and then I'm off to Rochester for the weekend to see the family and Jack :) I'm so excited, it will be great to get away for a little bit. I'll try to post while I'm there but if not I'll post another update when I get back on Tuesday. Happy Labor Day Weekend everyone!! :)

Randomness

Today Smooch and I drove down to East Lansing to see Dr. Anderson, one of MSU's excellent cardiologists. Sue and I had picked up a very quiet (Grade I/VI) murmur on him incidentally, and even though he has had no clinical signs of heart disease whatsoever, I was a worried Mommy and decided to take him for a full evaluation of his heart. Fortunately, nothing major was found and his heart looked very normal :) Now I can stop worrying, for now anyway. Surprisingly he was very good and only wiggled a little towards the end of his echo. I was pretty impressed since he is usually quite the wiggle worm.
The drive really wasn't that bad, and was actually relaxing, especially with the music from my mp3 player playing. I do admit that being back at MSU was weird. It was nice seeing students and doctors I hadn't seen in a while and catching up with them. It brought back a lot of memories too and in all honesty it was lonely there without my classmates. Its weird seeing people every single day for 4 years and then never seeing them at all. I was able to talk to Katie on the way back though which was really nice; I miss her.
My birthday yesterday was great. I brought in cookies for everyone at work and they had all signed a Bday card for me. Janet had gotten me one herself and I found it on my desk when I arrived in the morning :) I came home from work to a vase full of pink roses and a beautiful card from Steve, filled with gift cards to Starbucks, Bath and Body Works, and Barnes and Noble. He took me to dinner at Olive Garden, my favorite restaurant, and boy did we pig out lol. Today I have to work off what I ate at Olive Garden as well as the ice cream we just had from Cold Stone.
I started working out full time last week and surprisingly have been really enjoying it. I saw an infomercial for a work-out program called Yoga Booty Ballet and ordered it because it looked like fun. It really is fun - it is perfectly suited for someone with a dance background who just loves to dance. It doesn't really seem like working out because it is just that much fun. So far I have lost two pounds in the first week, 3 inches off my waist and about 1/4 inch off each thigh. Steve says he notices the change already and so do I which makes me really happy. I think I have finally found something that I can stick with for good. Yay for Yoga Booty Ballet!
I have still been reading like crazy too and loving every minute of it. I finished all the books mentioned in one of my previous blogs and bought a whole bunch of new ones. I have recently finished The Guardian, Nights in Rodanthe, and Bend in the Road by Nicholas Sparks. Only 3 more books to go: The Rescue which I am currently reading, True Believer, and At First Sight and I have read all of his novels. All the ones I have read are HIGHLY recommended, they are all wonderful. Two more books I have in the line-up to read are Under the Tuscan Sun by Frances Mayes and The Way the Crow Flies by Ann-Marie MacDonald, both of which looked interesting. I'll let you know how those are when I finish them :)
Tomorrow is my long day at work (7:30-7) but at least I get a 3 hour lunch and the morning is spent in surgery with Sue which I absolutely LOVE! I get to do a bunch of the routine stuff (spays, neuters, declaws, dentals, some mass removals) on my own and together we have done a bunch of cruciate surgeries and even an FHO! Wednesday mornings are my favorite because I am able to do surgery with her. She is an INCREDIBLE surgeon and is wonderful at giving me guidance and helping me gain confidence in my own surgical skills.
This weekend I'm not working (YAY!) so Steve, Smooch and I are taking a long weekend and going to NY to see my family. I'm really excited and it will be nice to get away for a little while.

Thoughts and Confusion

This evening Steve and I went to Cold Stone because I was craving ice cream and although my birthday isn't until tomorrow, we decided to do the ice cream thing tonight. When we got there, the line was out the door (about an hour long) full of kids that had been in a soccer tournament today. In a huff, I went to the Starbucks next door instead because there was no way I had an hour to waste in line waiting for ice cream. So much to do tonight, so little time. Then I realized that those little kids probably have no concept of time and the importance of it. Lately a lot has been going on in my life and over and over I wish for an easier life and get jealous of people that seem to have it. I would love nothing more than to have a 9 to 5 job with no weekends or holidays, which in my profession will probably never happen. I am quickly learning why so many vets have quit private practice because they are just burnt out. I have only been in my job for 7 weeks now and I am feeling burn out already. Its funny how I waited my whole life to get to this point and now somehow I seem to question it sometimes. Don't get me wrong, I love being a veterinarian and I adore my patients. I know I would feel completely lost in any other career. But I just don't get why it has to be so demanding all the time and the hours so long. My boss has really been pushing me over the edge lately and it is getting very frustrating to the point where I feel sick to my stomach whenever she is around. Every one of the other doctors tells me constantly what a great job I'm doing but for her its never enough. Also, I once a month get stuck doing weekend duty (thats what I get for being the low person on the totem pole) which means that every other Saturday I work, I also have to come in Saturday night, Sunday morning and Sunday night to take care of any in-hospital patients and check on the boarders. This is a lot more work than it seems and prevents me from making any plans at all that weekend, and by Monday I am exhausted instead of rejuvinated. Mind you I get NO extra time off during the week when I have to do the weekend duty either. Thank God that this is only every 4th weekend (since I get every other weekend off).
There have definitely been tears shed lately because I really want to know why God brought me to Midland and to this clinic. It just doesn't seem right that in my first job I should have to be putting up with the shit I am with my boss. I love Sue and Janet to death and Tammy is wonderful too. I wonder if they are the reason I am here, so I can learn from them. They are always willing to take time out and help and encourage me, even when they are really busy. They are such wonderful veterinarians too and I learn so much from them, especially Sue. I was just hoping that my first job would be the one I would stay in forever but I guess that was really naive thinking on my part. Plus, if Steve really wants to end up doing graphics for a video game company or Pixar, then we will not only have to eventually move out of Midland but also out of Michigan.
There was an article that Sue and I read in DVM magazine during our lunch on Friday about how the most frustrating thing to veterinarians everywhere is the lack of balance between work and family, and how thousands of vets would do anything to work less and spend more time with their husbands/wives and children. We talked a lot about how we both struggle with this every day and how we wonder if it will ever change. We hung the article on Connie's board I guess with the faint hope that maybe it would help, but we both doubt it will.
I hate how I always compare myself to others and if I think they have it easier than me I get jealous and wish my life was more like theirs. For so long I have longed for an easier life and although my life now is a LOT better than it was in vet school, it is definitely harder out in "the real world" than I thought it would be. I find myself constantly wishing I had it easy for a change. But at the same time if I had the option to trade lives with someone else who had it easier, there is no way I would do it. I would never give up having Steve and my family and friends in my life. I could never give up being married to my true soulmate and being able to come home to him and love him wholeheartedly every day. I would never give up the wonderful family I have that have always supported me and loved me unconditionally, or the friends that have been there for me every moment even when I am being dumb or crazy. And I can't forget the bunnies and cat in my life that I love dearly. I thank God every day for all the people in my life that I am blessed to know and love.
Also, if I was able to leave the clinic I am at for one with better hours, I would miss Sue and Janet so much that it would break my heart. I definitely feel that I can call them my friends and I enjoy seeing them every day and talking to them about anything on my mind because they are wonderful people who have earned my respect and trust. I wonder if it will ever be possible to have what I would consider a better existence without having to give up the blessings I am grateful to have.

Unrelated things......
We went to Grand Blanc today to see Janet's shelties run in an agility competition. What an amazing thing to watch. I absolutely loved watching all the dogs run the agility course - what a wonderful way for the dogs to exert their energy and its obvious how much they enjoy doing it! I have decided when Steve and I eventually get our little pug I am going to do agility training with it :) I also have really developed a love for Shelties because of Janet. They are so smart and her dogs are just wonderful and I love them dearly. Shelties are the coolest non-smashed faced dogs in my book! :)
Steve starts Central tomorrow. I'm going to miss not having him home at lunch anymore but am excited for him - he's starting the last leg of a long journey to become a graphic designer with a bachelor's degree. I'm so proud of him :)

sick :(

This was a tough week at work but I got through it with a couple of heart-to-hearts with my boss and colleagues, which helped me grow as a veterinarian a lot. Friday was a really good day as a result, and I feel like I am really fitting in to my job now :) Thank God I have this weekend off though because I have a terrible cold/allergy thing going on in my sinuses. I feel like crap and am trying to rest and sleep it off by Monday when I have to do surgery in the morning. Steve is sick too so we're helping each other through it. Lots of naps, hot tea, and cold medicine. Hopefully we both feel better soon.

Sleepy

What a busy week. I am so tired I just napped for over 2 hours! Thankfully this morning wasn't too bad at work. Hopefully the rest of the weekend goes ok with no catastrophes - this is my first time on weekend-duty all by myself which means no sleeping in for me :( I'm looking forward to having next weekend off. This is definitely one of the few negatives of working in the veterinary field - it is very common to have to work on weekends and have clinic responsibilities on holidays, hence NOT having a true holiday. I am stuck doing Thanksgiving which I am NOT looking forward to, and the clinic is actually open the Friday and Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend which really pisses me off. So much for Thanksgiving being a "holiday" anymore :( Maybe someday somewhere I'll find a clinic that is CLOSED on weekends and holidays, or maybe I'll just keep dreaming for the rest of my career....

On a more positive note I have been having success with a number of my cases and seem to be getting more and more comfortable seeing sick animals. Most of the time what my plan is is the same as the other docs, and when it isn't its fairly close (usually the difference involves choice of antibiotic which isn't a big deal - I'm learning more and more as I go which antibiotics work best in what instances). There are still a few cases that I have no idea what something is simply because I have never seen it before (example: I saw a dog with a histiocytoma and had no clue what it was, but Janet knew what it was and explained it to me, the next one I saw I knew what it was right away :) ). These cases sometimes make me feel really dumb, but I keep reminding myself I am a new grad and not expected to know everything (YET lol). Sue comes back early next week (YAY!!!) and I am sooo glad, I missed her - she's so great to work with :)

Steve and I are trying a new church tomorrow morning - Eagle Ridge Church of God. According to their website they are a more contemporary and progressive church. Hopefully we like it.

Tuesday will be fun. I LOVE Tuesday's because it is my day off! But this Tuesday is special b/c we're going to see Brian, Steve's cousin that lives in Oregon, and his son Brendan. They only come to visit a couple times a year so we don't get to see them often. We are meeting them and other family members for lunch, which should be fun.

Well thats all for now - hope to hear from you all soon!